Staying on target...

This shit has been hard. Physically I have very little stamina and emotionally I teeter on completely drained to the other end of a spectrum of  just anger or depression.

Surgery happened. Yay! The doctor said he removed around twelve inches of rectum. It took them eleven hours for a four to six hour procedure. Doctor's quote "nothing bad happened, it was just difficult." I think about them working on me in that fashion for that long and sometimes I cry. The endurance and stamina these people have, I want to ask how they take breaks or not.

So many emotions have been experienced. Abandonment, loneliness, anger at myself and others. Many of the nurses and their assistants were magical and helped keep my spirits up. One or two others I wouldn't mind helping to find a different line of work because their bedside manner was like licking sandpaper.

Pain has been pretty well managed except for when I want to sit at a desk in a chair for longer than forty-five minutes at a time. Things are just swollen to the point of pain or complete lack of comfort.

Neuropathy has gotten worse so now I walk with a cane sometimes and my typing has reverted to mostly hunting and pecking. Brain is unaware of where my limbs or digits reside.

Wahh, boo hoo, I don't know what else to say right now other than I miss life outside of my house. Which before I probably never would have said out loud being the introverted recluse I enjoy to be.

Em has been the best. She's done things for me that she swore she would never do for anyone and I can't thank her enough. Many date nights to come with exotic locales and cuisines. But shhh, don't tell her, it may still be a surprise.

Lack of funny and disjointed, but here I am with the best nurse I could ask for.